In a country that prides itself on equality for everyone, men, women, Swedes, foreigners, absolutely everyone, Sweden has taken it one step further. Even animals are being given opportunities never before offered. Now this isn’t your typical, save the whales, or free range chickens. This is much more progressive than that. This is Sweden we’re talking about. The welfare state, the social democracy, the Swedish Political Model, home to Stockholm, the most livable city in the world! Come on now. What kind of country do you think this is?
The free range chickens of Oklahoma have no chance against the Swedish Bull Elk. That’s right the Swedish Bull Elk (also known as a moose to most Americans, but we’re going to stay European here) has taken to claiming his right to equality by force. And violence. A hunter recently shot a Swedish Elk (notice the respect conveyed by capitalizing the “E”). Unfortunately, our hunter wasn’t a very good shot. I blame their lack of guns in this country. Not like the USA, where every American owns a gun, or at least that’s what the Swedes tell me. Anyway, the hunter then approached the wounded Swedish Elk. A regular elk is impressive and big, but this was a Swedish Elk ready to take control of his destiny. And it did.
The hunter decided not to shoot and kill the wounded Swedish Elk and instead approached the animal with his dogs. He feared that firing a shot off would frighten the dogs and cause them to attack. So instead he tried to put a leash on one of the dogs. That’s when the Swedish Elk took control of the situation. Using his antlers the Swedish Elk attacked. The hunter, being a sneaky and agile man, unlike your classic Elmer Fudd, was able to fight off the Swedish Elk. For a while. Remember the kind of elk we’re dealing with though. A Swedish Elk. The Swedish Elk suddenly raised the stakes and was able to claw at the man’s weapon and fire off a shot. The shot missed, apparently Swedish Elk are just as lousy shots as Swedish hunters. Having tried to end the man the Swedish Elk just had nothing left. It lay down to die. A valiant effort by a Swedish Elk to claim the equality offered to everyone else in Sweden. In a sense though, the Swedish Elk staked a claim just by shooting the weapon. Small consolation I’m sure for all those who were close to the Swedish Elk, but every revolution needs to start somewhere.
Today was not the Swedish Elk’s day. But next time. Next time. In the fight for equality, seldom is the first fight the deciding fight, or the last for that matter. I expect Swedish Elk attacks to rise this hunting season, and as time goes on lives will be lost, Swedish Elk will be revered as heroes and martyrs within the forests of Sweden and no hunter will be safe. And so, to all of you who plan on shooting an elk, I can only say one thing: Beware the Swedish Elk.
Check out the full article on The Local probably one of the greatest websites ever.