Saturday, September 29, 2007

Beware the Swedish Elk

In a country that prides itself on equality for everyone, men, women, Swedes, foreigners, absolutely everyone, Sweden has taken it one step further. Even animals are being given opportunities never before offered. Now this isn’t your typical, save the whales, or free range chickens. This is much more progressive than that. This is Sweden we’re talking about. The welfare state, the social democracy, the Swedish Political Model, home to Stockholm, the most livable city in the world! Come on now. What kind of country do you think this is?

The free range chickens of Oklahoma have no chance against the Swedish Bull Elk. That’s right the Swedish Bull Elk (also known as a moose to most Americans, but we’re going to stay European here) has taken to claiming his right to equality by force. And violence. A hunter recently shot a Swedish Elk (notice the respect conveyed by capitalizing the “E”). Unfortunately, our hunter wasn’t a very good shot. I blame their lack of guns in this country. Not like the USA, where every American owns a gun, or at least that’s what the Swedes tell me. Anyway, the hunter then approached the wounded Swedish Elk. A regular elk is impressive and big, but this was a Swedish Elk ready to take control of his destiny. And it did.

The hunter decided not to shoot and kill the wounded Swedish Elk and instead approached the animal with his dogs. He feared that firing a shot off would frighten the dogs and cause them to attack. So instead he tried to put a leash on one of the dogs. That’s when the Swedish Elk took control of the situation. Using his antlers the Swedish Elk attacked. The hunter, being a sneaky and agile man, unlike your classic Elmer Fudd, was able to fight off the Swedish Elk. For a while. Remember the kind of elk we’re dealing with though. A Swedish Elk. The Swedish Elk suddenly raised the stakes and was able to claw at the man’s weapon and fire off a shot. The shot missed, apparently Swedish Elk are just as lousy shots as Swedish hunters. Having tried to end the man the Swedish Elk just had nothing left. It lay down to die. A valiant effort by a Swedish Elk to claim the equality offered to everyone else in Sweden. In a sense though, the Swedish Elk staked a claim just by shooting the weapon. Small consolation I’m sure for all those who were close to the Swedish Elk, but every revolution needs to start somewhere.

Today was not the Swedish Elk’s day. But next time. Next time. In the fight for equality, seldom is the first fight the deciding fight, or the last for that matter. I expect Swedish Elk attacks to rise this hunting season, and as time goes on lives will be lost, Swedish Elk will be revered as heroes and martyrs within the forests of Sweden and no hunter will be safe. And so, to all of you who plan on shooting an elk, I can only say one thing: Beware the Swedish Elk.

Check out the full article on The Local probably one of the greatest websites ever.

8 comments:

  1. ha ha ha... WOW... That just made my day.

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  2. Hey, my name is Jorge Marcano and I am interested in emigrating to Sweden.

    I am planning to emigrate next year around March. My ideal situation would be to apply for a residence permit and study my master's degree over there.

    My questions have to do with the current situation, meaning with the new Reinfeldt government as opposed to former prime minister Person and in the larger context as well.

    Meaning in comparison to the US current immigration stance on Hispanics or the French aggressiveness against North African migrants and the tough approach adopted by the Danish government after the 2001 elections.

    Is Sweden's current situation worse or the same as those examples? Do you think Swedish society is becoming more multicultural and tolerant of its own minorities or more hostile?

    Is it possible to schedule an interview with you online to ask you a few questions about the current situation in Sweden? I would really appreciate any assistance about these issue.

    Thank you so much for your attention, I truly appreciate your personal opinion and insight upon this daily reality. Have a nice week, sincerely,

    Jorge

    Is it possible to schedule an interview with you online to ask you a few questions about the current situation in Sweden? I would really appreciate any assistance about this issue. Thank you so much for your attention, sincerely,

    Jorge Marcano
    jorgitomarcano@gmail.com

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  3. I might not be the best person to ask because I didn't actually have to go through the whole process because of my Swedish citizenship, but I'm always up for throwing my opinion out there.

    In regards to residency. I do know that a residence permit can takea long time and can be a it difficult. You have to be able to show a reason for emigrating to Sweden. Students Visas though are quite a bit easier and if you intend to get your master's might be the best way of doing it. Most programs are 2 years and are now being taught in English because of the move to the Bologna system.

    The political situation is tricky. The new government is a bit more conservative but in terms of immigration it is nowhere near as strict as in Denmark. That being said, the immigration department has been becoming more strict with the huge influx of asylum seekers from the Middle East. This actually led to a hunger strike by Afghanis in a main square in Stockholm.

    I would say in general though that Sweden is quite open to immigration in comparison to some countries. The country is becoming more and more multicultural but you still see some prejudices pop up. Swede very much considers itself a progressive country but with so much immigration tensions do arise.

    After all that I would definitely recommend you come though!

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  4. If I didn't know you were talking about an elk, I'd think you were talking a lot of bull :)

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  5. I remember hearing a story about a guy shooting a 'Swedish Elk' and snapping a photo with his gun mounted in its antlers, whereupon it got up and ran away, taking the rifle with it.

    I can't remember if that was in Sweden, though. Sounds more like something an American would do. :D

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  6. Oh I hope that is true. Because it sounds amazing!

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