Monday, October 22, 2007

Swedes Walk with the Animals, Talk with the Animals, Sleep with the Animals?

Know why they sell pants in Sweden with buttons instead of zippers? So the sheep can’t hear men sneaking up on them. Alright, well as long as I’ve known that joke it’s been Wyoming, not Sweden. That might change though. In a stunning bit of political barnstorming a member of the Liberal Party in Sweden (that’s Liberal with a capital “L” because who are we kidding, most of the parties in Sweden are liberal) has called for the banning of bestiality. Which, interestingly enough, is not spelled beastiality.

Apparently, Sweden is one of a few countries that doesn’t explicitly ban having sex with animals. I’m sure most people realize that having sex with a sheep or your preferred barnyard animal isn’t a good idea. But I guess the winter’s can be very long, cold, and dark. Clearly, this is a result of geography and the latitude. No way would people stoop to this if it wasn’t so cold and dark right? Of course, the article also tells us that it has become more popular recently. Having sex with animals is becoming more popular? What constitutes popular, and how is it defined? Because I just have a hard time imagining bestiality and popular being uttered in the same sentence. But there it is. In a country that prides itself on being progressive.

Unless this is all a progressive attempt by the farmers of Sweden to create a super-animal. Some sort of strange breeding program that just hasn’t come to light yet. Or there are just some seriously sick people in the world. No matter what part of the world you find yourself in.

My favorite quote from the article at TheLocal.se is “‘[w]hat most people think of is the classic image of cows in a shed. But having spoken to a number of veterinarians, I know that it is smaller animals such as dogs and cats that are most at risk,’ Ertsborn told The Local.” Oh a classic image indeed. Who doesn’t imagine a creepy farmer sneaking up on a lone cow in a shed?

Oooh, I’ve got another one for you. Sweden, where men are men and sheep are nervous. Get it? Because the men want to have sex with the sheep. Get it? Oh man, that’s funny stuff. The tourism board here in Stockholm should probably use that one. I’m sure it would bring in a whole lot of new clientele to Stockholm and the surrounding countryside.

Seriously though, this blows my mind. Why is this not illegal? Who thinks it is a good idea to schtoink a cow? Or a dog? I mean seriously. It’s only a short trip down to Amsterdam if the need should arise. Ryan Air flies cheap.

What might be the saddest commentary on this issue is that there is a petition started in order to influence more politicians. Isn’t this one of those things that should just be put into law the second someone brings a complaint? Is there anything to discuss here? People should not have sex with small animals, or even big animals for that matter. That a petition has to be started rather than someone in the ruling party just deciding that “Hey, sex with animals isn’t cool, and most of the civilized world has banned it. Let’s follow suit,” is kind of disconcerting.

I have faith though, in the Swedish government here in Stockholm. Say no to bestiality. And beastiality. And all forms of having sex with beasts.

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36 comments:

  1. well shit. there goes my plan of turning swedish and moving there.
    if i cant screw an animal when the mood catches, can there ever be any happiness in my world?!@#?

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  2. You are right, Sweden isn't as pure and white as it seems.

    They also sell products which are forbidden in most countries. For example snuff. You can buy here some dangerous toys for children too. There was also some medicine you can buy at the pharmacy, which was withdrawn in Finland due to some dangerous side-effect. Wish I remembered its name.

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  3. There was a law against it, but it was in the same paragraph as the law against homosexuality. So when we removed it a long time ago both became allowed. You prob know this already, the story has been told in all papers. I guess the reason there hasn't been a new is because there hasn't been a need for it. Have heard though that vets say that as many as 50% of all dogs in the world have these kind of injuries...

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  4. Some interesting comments coming from every direction.

    Unfortunately, Sweden has lost some of its luster in Montastics eyes.

    And Smek This already believed that Sweden had some dirty secrets!

    Jo brought up some interesting history about the issue. It seems to me though that if 50% of dogs throughout the world have tese sorts of injuries then there is definitely a need for a law.

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  5. i remember there was a politician some years ago who said in an interview, that it doesn't matter who you live with in your house, be it a homosexual or a horse. it drew so much criticism, not because of your issue here on bestiality but because of his apparent comparison of equines to gay people.
    btw, I just "challenged" you in this post to do "The Seven Truths".

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  6. It's interesting that this issue has historically been tied with homsexuality. And even more so that a politician would bring the issue up as you mentioned.

    I'll see what I can do with the truths thing!

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  7. As I live in a country that has some crazy laws (for one, up till September of last year only one sexual position was allowed. Wonder how they monitored that ppl follow that one though..) I thought it would be interesting to see what they said about this topic. This is what I found - "Whosoever voluntarily has carnal intercourse against the order of nature with any man, woman or animal, shall be punished with imprisonment for life, or with imprisonment for a term which may extend to 10 years, and shall also be liable to a fine." Yup, interesting indeed..in many ways.

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  8. Wow. Imprisonment for life. That is incredible and a little bit overboard if you ask me.

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  9. So if the Swedish men can't have sex with sheep, does that mean they'll be more forward with women?

    Hmmmm...

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  10. hmmm... this could be a turning point in male-female relationships here in Sweden.

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  11. I gotta defend my country on this one. It's obviously only the politcians who do it, that's why they don't want to ban it. And let's not pretend like USA haven't got any crazy laws. The government are alowwed to kill people and interestingly enough USA is one of the very few countries (actually I think only 2 countries) that haven't agreed on UN's child constitution (or something like that).

    But nonetheless, you've got a point it's crazy that animal sex is allowed in Sweden.

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  12. HAHAHA, I love it! I should have connected the dots, clearly the politicians are in on it!

    And good work on defending your country. I'm pumped someone did it.

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  13. There isn't a need for a law banning that stuff. It's already prohibited to hurt animals, so basically you're already doing something illegal if you actually hurt the animal. If you don't hurt the animal, then why ban it? Come on, seriously, if some sicko out there likes getting his balls licked by his dog, why not just let him? Baning stuff that doesn't do any harm is just silly.

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  14. well... whatever floats your boat I suppose. but I'm all for banning that stuff.

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  15. With the only argument that is't "immoral" or what?

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  16. with the argument that people will still continue to argue that gross and stupid things like this are ok without a law abnning it.

    fine there is a law against hurting animals. there are a lot of laws against stuff. but people find loopholes. if you don't specifically ban something like this then people can get away with having sex with animals. and having sex with animals, especially small ones like the article discusses, ends up with animals that are hurting.

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  17. I would most deffinitely start argueing even more that it's okay if they would ban it now. Seriously, what's the point in banning something that doesn't hurt anyone?

    There is a perfectly clear law stating that you may not hurt animals. What people usually forget when it comes to stuff like this is that sex does not have to involve penetration. If a dog licks someones sex, it will most probably not get hurt, even though it performs oral sex. A law banning beastiality would mean banning stuff like that which is just stupid since no one gets hurt. There isn't a need for further legislation, and the only argument for further legislation would be that the whole thing is "immoral".

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  18. well I've never had an animal offer me oral sex, nor been able to convince one to perform it on me. granted I've never tried but I would imagine some sort of force would have to be used to convince an animal to lick someone. which might not be hurting the animal but probably isn't something the animal wants to do.

    plenty of laws ban things that aren't "hurting anyone" and your suggestion that just because it isn't penetration it doesn't hurt someone probably smacks against any person who has ever been involved in some sort of seual crime despite there not being penetration. granted these are animals but you make a broad statement that can be easily turned around like this.

    and honeslty the immoral thing doesn't bother me as much as I just think its gross. and there is a difference.

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  19. Have you never experienced a dog comming up to you and sniffing/licking your groin? Even if not, you can most probably imagine that a dog isn't that hard to convince in such issues. Smear something the dog likes around your intimate parts, and suddenly you've got a win-win situation. I havn't tried it, so I can't swear that it acctually works, but I can imagine that it might.

    Not saying that, I'm meaning that if there is penetration involved, it's most probably against the will of the animal, while in the above stated example, no one gets hurt.

    I consider people that are happily in love, food made out of intestine, racists, people that can't argue properly for themselves and loads of other things gross. However, that isn't reason enough to ban them, is it?

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  20. I'm just under the impression that an animal can't really give consent. It might be tricked into licking you if you rub stuff all over yourelf but that's hardly consent for the sexual act. An animal isn't capable of making a decision to pleasure a person sexually. Doing so results in mistreatment or abuse of the animal whether the animal is actually physically injured or not.

    And when it comes to gross things... sometimes I think it is enough. Surströmming for example. Come on. That stuff needs to be banned for sure!

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  21. I see consent as something relative... Sure, the animal can't give it's consent to performing a sexual act, since it isn't aware of that's what it's doing. The animal won't be harmed by what it's doing unless it's forced to do something. In the exampel where a dog licks someones privates I would say that the person getting licked is in greater risk of getting hurt than the dog is.

    But the problem is that some people like surströmming. That's the problem with beastiality too, some people actually like it. However, my personal opinion regarding surströmming is that the only reasonable use for it is in biological warfare.

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  22. Well, I'll be honest. I see where you're coming from with your reasoning. I just don't agree. We do however agree that surströmming should never be eaten.

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  23. You see where I'm coming from? Is it my english-skill that it's lacking, or am I simply missing something?

    Definitely agreed, surströmming is hazardous, and we both agree that we disagree regarding beastiality.

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  24. Your English is definitely not lacking!

    Indeed, and so it goes sometimes!

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  25. Thanks for sticking up for Animal Rights or at least decent human conduct. I wonder if Kinda Swede would kinda like it if animals forced themselves sexually on him/her? I mean how much could a toy poodle hurt?

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  26. I think decent human conduct is probably the least we can hope to expect.

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  27. There is already a law against hurting animals and the rights of animals. i think this would be pretty much covered in that law.

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  28. you would think so... but it always seems like there is some sicko out there trying to find a loophole so it can schtoink a sheep.

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  29. But... If animals can't consent to sex, shouldn't we ban animals having sex with each others then too? I can't imagine how for example a male dog is harmed by putting his penis inside a human woman, fact is I'd say the dog would like it as much, if not more than the human. Sure, most people think it's disgusting, but there's lot of things that's even more disgusting, for example senior citizens having sex with each others, men having sex with each others, etc, but we can't ban it just because it's disgusting, can we?

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  30. well, Im not sure comparing dog on dog sex to man on dog sex is really fair.

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  31. Well, there's already a law against animal torture (Djurskyddslagen, "Animal Protection Law" or something translated). Saying that you'll def get some time in jail if you hurt an animal. Why ban sex? Sex is fun lol =D

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  32. sex is fun.. but sex with animals just doesnt seem right. even if the law says that you cant hurt animals, doesnt the whole sex thing leave that up to interpretation seeing as how sex is fun?

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  33. just adding that causing distress to the animal is banned by law. anyway you look at it the animals have their bases covered. anything causing them distress or pain is covered by the justice system (and we go pretty damn far making sure you cant be cruel to animals) so the only reason to ban bestiality is, as you put it, because: "but sex with animals just doesnt seem right". the same could be applied to homosexuality. i think bestiality is gross but as previously stated by kinda-swede i think surströmming is gross too.
    in summary; the government already has laws protecting the animals from every concievable angle. this is enough.

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  34. I suppose Id be worried that someone would try to get aroun this law by saying that the animal enjoyed it or something just really strange along those lines.

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  35. I would love to move to Sweden! How can I locate one of their famous animal lovers farms?! I'd love to get screwed by a horse while those lovely ladies are watching!

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