Sweden has been good to me. But just recently I have been less than impressed. It’s the little things.
Like yesterday when I was walking to the subway and I was the recipient of a horrible flat tire. I was walking along at a pretty solid clip. Using those long legs of mine to cover some ground. When suddenly my left foot felt so very cold. And my shoe stayed where it was. I had been flat tired.
The guy walking behind me had stepped on the heel of my shoe. Bastard. I had to pull over to the side of the sidewalk for repairs. The man in question passed me by. Without so much as a nod of the head. I was disgusted. So I chased after him, tackled him, then spit in his eye for good measure, all the while berating him for his rudeness. That’s not true. I’m much too mild-mannered for that. Instead I’ll satiate my need for revenge by writing about my unknown assailant. But I was not pleased.
When you step on me from behind and give me a flat tire I would like some form of acknowledgement. I’m a simple man. I like steaks. Sports. Delicious gummy candies. And apologies for stepping on my shoe. Because honestly, who steps on a shoe?
And to top it all off, just a little while ago my “Ingen Reklam” sign was taken from my door. The ingen reklam sign is an important sign. It is the sign that keeps people from shoving all of those unwanted advertisements through your mail slot. And no one wants unwanted things shoved through their mail slot. Now my apartment is filled with advertising flyers for things I don’t want.
I have a couple of theories as to who did this. However, I keep coming back to one. It seems the most likely really. The culprit could be none other than the very same man who gave me a flat tire. In between dropkicking babies and clubbing baby seals, this man runs around stepping on shoes and stealing ingen reklam signs. That’s not very nice.
His is the face of evil. Beware.
Welcome to Sweden. Where evil lurks behind every corner.
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