Monday, July 27, 2009

The Democratic Process and Blatant Self Promotion

You have less than four hours left to exercise your right to vote. I know I did. Because I love democracy. In the past 12 months I have voted for the President of the United States of America. I have voted for EU parliamentarians. But maybe, nay, definitely, most important of all, I have voted for the Hairy Swede and A Swedish American in Sweden as the Best Language Blog. (When campaigning, it’s important to use the third person.) Now, seeing as how I am not, in fact, an Iranian dictator, or a New Jersey politician, I would never push you towards any sort of voter fraud. But please note that while voting twice is wrong, voting once from your home computer and once from your work computer is basically like casting a vote for freedom. And we all love freedom.

Like any good campaign, I feel the need to introduce myself. Maybe explain why my parents named me as they did. Despite your thoughts, that damn, his parents are mean, you would be wrong. They saw the potential. The potential for hairiness. And they were right.

Now I am, true to my name, hairy. The five o’clock shadow tends to be more of a 96 hour shadow. If you’re lucky, you might catch me with an old undershirt on. You know the ones where the neck is stretched out from repeatedly being pulled over an ever-growing dome. If that is the case, you might just catch a glimpse of chest hair poking out. Ants venture into the forest of leg air and die there. They get lost and starve to death. Seriously. I am a hairy man.

Now that we’ve had a chance to get to know each other, let me tell you where I stand on the issues. I’m a simple man, some might say simpleminded but those people suck. So I stand for just a few things. For example:

Good steaks. Because steak is delicious. So I promise a steak on every table. Even the vegetarian tables.

Good sport. Not soccer, because, as I mentioned, the sport needs to be good. Which is exactly why I will implement a shot clock in soccer to speed up the game.

Good books. Because if you don’t read, well, I judge you. And so, I will randomly be sending books to people in Sweden so I can judge you less.

Good country music. Because, if you like stories, then you have to like country music. And everyone likes stories, except for puppy murderers. And you don’t want to be a puppy murderer do you?

Unfortunately, I’m not a good politician. Although, I did manage to get myself voted President of my dorm hall freshman year. Mostly because the other guy made some wise-ass remark that pissed off all the girls in the room. The girls outnumbered us by about three to one. But I digress, because I am not a good politician, I probably won’t be able to come through on any of my promises. Strangely enough, that actually puts me right up there with most elected officials. Both Swedish and American.

Welcome to Sweden. And my blatant yet incredibly lame attempt for adulation.

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  1. Hairy FTW!
    No but seriously, I hope u win the election:P

  2. now i really know how it feels to be an ant oh no, to become acquainted with a hairy person.
    and since this dictator loved the freedom the way you do, now(to be exact from the time he became presidant almost 4 years ago) we have huge problems with he and his freedom over here and eventhough i do not like freedom at all, now i feel i'm in love with it!
    my vote goes for ya hairy ;)

  3. @Ersc – YES! Thanks, me too. Mostly because I just like to win.

    @Persian guy – the life of an ant just can’t be an easy one… especially with me around.

    I’m glad that I could convince you that freedom is the way to go. My next campaign promise is to not run for re-election four years from now, just to avoid my love of freedom leading to problems.

    Thanks for the vote!

  4. I voted for you. Good luck.

  5. Hahaha, country. USAs dansband. Ge exempel på något du gillar!

  6. An American GirlJuly 27, 2009 at 4:55 PM

    I voted for you too. Erm... only once, of course. ;)

    As they say in Chicago, vote early and vote often! Good luck!

  7. You make a good case. Where do I vote? I wanted to blog about steak but instead I blogged about the "sink peel cleaner" in my Doohickey Mondays post.

  8. I voted for you from home and work! And then from my mobile as well.

  9. Country music? Oh no!!! Classic country music, like Waylon Jennings and Willie Nelson (cool) or the new stuff, like Keith Urban (vomit)? I can tolerate our political differences, but this country music thing might be a deal breaker. Depends on how good your steak is, I suppose.

  10. @ - Laura – Thanks, the votes are being counted now!

    @Simon – Common misconception. Country is a bit more mainstream than Swedish dansband. Country actually has two MTV like channels. Imagine if dansband had an MTV like channel. Wow. But you’ve got to like Garth Brooks.

    @An American Girl – Aah, Chicago politics. Just call me the next Boss Tweed.

    @SwedishJenn – With promises like steak and books, I don’t think you can go wrong. And sink peel cleaners are also cool. Not as cool as steak mind you, but still pretty cool.

    @Néstor – Good man! I didn’t even think about the possibility of voting from the cell phone.

    @Jenn – Yes indeed. You can’t go wrong with a little bit of country. Maybe some Garth Brooks or Tim McGraw. And despite this, I feel fairly confident that my promises of books and steaks can overcome any differences.

  11. The only time I think I ever liked country music is when I am in Europe for an length of time.

    But, in my normal frame of mind, country music really sucks. (:

  12. I love Garth Brooks! How can't you?! But I also Love Hank Williams...

  13. i voted for you because you're awesome :)

  14. country music is sucks,your blog is not though.
    and we'll vote you if you promise to change this aweful weather and consider 22 constituents are waiting for your promise !

  15. I was with you up until 'good country music', no such thing. But I voted for you anyway. :)


  17. @kmbr - it's a slippery slope once you start listening to it while in Europe. You might find yourself back in the US, a song comes on the radio and you're singing along. All of a sudden you realize it... its country. Just wait.

    @terander - agreed. Garth is hard to beat.

    @anonymous - clearly the best reason to vote for me.

    @anonymous - well I'll accept your vote. and the weather.. consider it done.

    @anonymous - thats why I listed country music last. slide those things in at the end and youll still get the vote.

    @anonymous - classic.

  18. Nothing wrong with a five o'clock shadow my friend, dont let it put you off. One of your greatest Presidents Richard Milhous Nixon had a five o'clock shadown and he won election to Congress, once, to the Senate Once, to Vice President twice, ok he lost in his Presidential bid in 1960 but it was against JFK. He did win it in 68 and 72, I think 72 was even a bigger scale of victory than Obama. Whether you like Tricky Dick or not, respect to the five o'clock shadow ;-)

  19. I love the five o'clock shadow. I feel naked without at least some stubble. and any man who can get elected to office with stubble has my respect.

  20. amen brother man! grab a beer , let the chest hairs fly.....kick a puppy dog, crank up that merl haggard and fer god's sake shut off that damn soccer...i think i will write a book...a cowboy in swedens opinion of soccer'' should sell well if i put alot of pictures of micheal jackson..oj simpson and the olsen twins in it, im perdy sure that just targeted most of sweden! oh shit i better shut up b4 i get hate mail! are ya hairy???

  21. Anonymous said...

    country music is sucks,your blog is not though.
    and we'll vote you if you promise to change this aweful weather and consider 22 constituents are waiting for your promise !

    July 28, 2009 4:03 PM ------NOW.....i am not one too complain about a persons english.....i am as american as they come and english sucks...but i love me some country iffin were gonna dog my favorite music can we do it with a little better english??? hehehehe...sorry hairy..i'm bored tonigt...cowboyfromnowhere

  22. I just realized that the response I wrote to this never got saved. which is lame because Im sure I wrote glorious and witty things.

    oh well...

    @anonymous - thats good stuff right there!

    @anonymous - as you can see... I changed the weather. now its sunny and beautiful. there's really very little I can't do.