Monday, October 05, 2009

An Open Letter to the Bald Guy at SATS

Dear Bald Guy,

You know who you are. You of the slicked back comb over. You of the man boobs. Moobs if you will. You of the mesh tank top showing off your moobs.

I don’t drink very often. I’m not very good at it. So 10 days away from home in a perpetual state of drunkenness including Oktoberfest did not treat me well. I am getting over a cold. I am dehydrated. My liver hurts. Plus, it is cold and getting dark. I’m not necessarily in the best of moods.

In an attempt to rid my body of the damage I have done to it, I went to the gym. I didn’t want to. I wanted to go home and sleep. Or at least read my book (A Prayer for Owen Meany, in case you were wondering). I went to the gym though. This chiseled physique takes a lot of work. And by chiseled I mean doughy. And I by work I mean, milk and cereal.

So I sat on a stationary bike hoping to sweat beer. And I did. I pedaled and sweat. It was glorious. Then you came by. You caught my eye. Because you were sporting a slicked back comb over and a mesh tank-top. And I laughed to myself.

Then you sat on the stationary bike next to me. And I laughed again. Hoping that you didn’t hear me. It’s not nice to laugh at people, I know. But come on. A mesh tank-top? With moobs? I struggle with fashion, but even I know that’s just not right unless you happen to be a twenty year old girl hoping for a dollar bill shoved down your g-string in Las Vegas. The descending darkness and imposing cold would suggest we are far from Las Vegas. And your comb over and moobs would suggest you are far from being a twenty year old stripper.

On a normal day I would have been disgusted. Would have ranted about the ridiculous nature of Swedish fashion. Would have suggested that, while mesh may cool you down, a cut-off t-shirt, un-see-through of course, would have sufficed (that was a lot of hyphens). But not today. Today, you improved my day. You brought a smile to my tired face. And while I may have been laughing at you, I’m sure deep down you were laughing too. So really we were laughing together.

Sincerely,
Hairy Swede

P.S. Welcome to Sweden. Where moobs do not equal mesh.

17 comments:

  1. Ha Ha MOOBS! You made my day! Mesh and Moobs sounds like a title for something...

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  2. I think moobs can make anyones day. And I already have plans for a mesh and moobs store. My target market is older overweight European men hoping to avoid nipple chafage while showing off those very same nipples.

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  3. Eeheew. Do you have to write so well that we can see your subject? I'm picturing a greasier Donald Trump in a mesh t-shirt. Not a pretty picture.

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  4. I'd think some wicking material would be more comfortable, but a shirt like that (admittedly) lacks the raw sex appeal of the mesh. And you'd have missed out on your laugh. But, hey, at least he was wearing a "shirt." The men where I used to workout were fond of galavanting around shirtless.

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  5. This is a classic post by you! :-)) Was he by any chance carrying a Murse too? (Found your blog a couple of days ago and you are spot on about us Swedes, that's why I live in the US these days, ha ha ;-)) Greetings from Anne i MD

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  6. Was that a Right Said Fred sighting.."I'm too sexy for my shirt...." Love the Moobs and the murse comments Peace and Love from northern Calif, Erik

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  7. @shawna - greasy Donald Trump is just abot right.

    @E - I dont really get the shirtless thing when working out. I suppose I'd be afraid that I might get by chest hair tangled in the bench press or something.

    @anonymous - with his oobs and mesh Im sure a murse was not far behind.

    @halibutboy - he may very well have been right said fred.

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  8. hahahah. oh please dont say that mesh tanktops is a part of swedish fashion :)

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  9. Well, so far he's the only one. HOpefully it stays that way.

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  10. It takes one rotten apple to spoil the whole fashion reputation of Sweden. Poor guy, poor Swedes, LOL! Gone with the wind.

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  11. sounds like his mind wasn't functioning ;)

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  12. @smek - hes giving swedes everywhere a bad name!

    @Tod - well we have to blame it on something, because no normal personw ould dress like that.

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  13. Being a bored housewive, looking after a almost 1 year old (12 more days to go before the big 1)
    I watch alot of Jerry Springer during the mornings while trying to wake up with a cup of tea. Every other episode have both moobs and cameltoes a plenty.
    They lose (or if you will, loose) their magic after awhile ._. whether it's in Sweden or USA (I see them alot more here than I did in Sweden though).

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  14. oh man... I hope moobs never lose their magic!

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  15. You are making my impending first visit to Sweden seem like quite the adventure. I think I will be hugely disppointed if I don't see mesh-covered moobs and denim-choked moose-knuckle.

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  16. you just need to make sure you frequent the right places. or wrong places. I suppose its all relative.

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  17. I have just downloaded iStripper, and now I enjoy having the sexiest virtual strippers on my taskbar.

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