Over two years ago I wrote a post titled Beware the Swedish Elk. A Swedish Elk, or a moose to Americans, was wounded by a hunter. Not dead, the hunter approached the moose and somehow the moose managed to fire off a shot with the hunter’s rifle. It missed and the moose died. I wrote then that:
“In the fight for equality, seldom is the first fight the deciding fight, or the last for that matter. I expect Swedish Elk attacks to rise this hunting season, and as time goes on lives will be lost, Swedish Elk will be revered as heroes and martyrs within the forests of Sweden and no hunter will be safe. And so, to all of you who plan on shooting an elk, I can only say one thing: Beware the Swedish Elk.”
Two years later, my predictions are proving to be right. Feel free to refer to me as Hairy Nostraswedus. News reports are coming out that a murder case from September of 2008 is about to have a break through. A 63 year old woman was found dead near a lake. The husband was immediately arrested and spent 10 days in prison as well as being suspected for over five months.
Today though, it turns out his wife was murdered by a moose. Murdered. By a moose. The woman was attacked and killed by a moose. At least, the moose saliva and hair found on the body would suggest that. The Swedish police will hold a press conference on Tuesday to confirm the rumors. And their own incompetence of course. Because who are we kidding, regardless of the circumstances, to figure out one year later that a woman suspected to have been murdered by her husband was actually killed by a moose... that’s just embarrassing for Sweden’s finest.
Had they only read my predictions, this poor man would have been allowed to mourn his wife rather than be suspected of murder. Just one year after the initial attack by the Swedish moose against the armed hunter, the revolution continues. It seems that the moose of Sweden have risen up and taken back the forests. Unfortunately, innocent lives were lost in the beginning of the revolution as unarmed older woman have now been killed. The moose claim collateral damage, but all I see are war crimes.
As the Swedish moose run free, I encourage all able bodied Swedes to join the droves of hunters, take up arms, and hunt the moose. Protect our mormors and farmors! I will not stand idly by as little old Swedish ladies are killed by moose.
Welcome to Sweden. Beware the murderous moose. Seriously.