There is no such thing as bad weather, only bad clothing. You’ll hear it from the day you land in Sweden until the day you take off. Especially if you come during the winter. It has been branded into my cattle-like brain and has followed me here to Swedish-America. And the other day I had bad clothing.
It was raining. Like really raining. Animals were pairing up and looking for boats to board. I on the other hand, decided that this was the perfect time for a walk. I thought to myself, it has been raining all day, it’ll let up. But, just as with the stock market, past results do not guarantee future returns. So out I went. And despite having a glorious Bamse umbrella, I chose to walk over five miles without it.
Channeling my ever-optimistic father, I assumed the rain would stop. So I trudged on. Channeling my ever-optimistic father, I stopped under a tree, assuming the rain would stop. Channeling my ever-pessimistic mother, I began cursing and just kept walking. By the time I arrived at my destination, my jacket was soaked through. My shirt was soaked through. My undershirt was soaked through. My chest hair was soaked through. Even my boxers were wet.
Luckily, there’s nothing a couple of friends and some beer won’t solve. And by that I mean that the best thing about being wet is getting dry. Unfortunately, walking five miles one way means you need to walk five miles the other way. And so I did. At this point, I realized that not only was my chest hair soaked, but my shoes had turned wet, then dry, then hard. And during that time I had developed severe blisters on my heels and the bottom of my feet. But my heels were worse. So, instead of calling for a taxi like any normal person would do, I took my shoes off. At least that way my heels might stop bleeding.
They did. Of course, if you were reading carefully you will remember that I had already developed blisters on the bottom of my feet as well. By the time I made it home, at a much slower pace than my usual gait, my feet were bleeding, my clothes were wet, and I was angry.
Welcome to Swedish-America. And no bad weather. But lots of bad clothing.
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