Thursday, December 13, 2007

Sweden Has Great Tits and My Immaturity Knows No Bounds

Sometimes things happen that make me question my maturity. I’m 23 years old. Some things I just shouldn’t laugh at. But I do. And today was full of them for some reason. It wasn’t that I was in a great mood, or that work was just a blast, it’s just, quite simply, that I am quite immature sometimes. And maybe a little mean.

I suppose this happened two days ago, but I’ve been giggling about it since then like a little school girl. DCP is out on a biology field study. She’s checking out Sweden’s Great Tits. Seriously. There is a bird in Sweden called the Great Tit. DCP was at first convinced this was some sort of lost in translation moment, or maybe a Freudian slip by a lonely biology professor. Nope. Sweden has Great Tits. And I laughed.

I’ve been eating lunch almost every day with CBCC. But I always call at 11 for lunch at 12:30. So sometimes he can’t make it. Instead I try to find new restaurants around work. I found some sort of buffet today. I sat down at a table to eat my meat and potatoes and there were a couple of girls sitting at the table across from me. On black stools. Just like I was. And for the longest time I thought the girl with her back turned towards me somehow finagled her way into a bigger stool. Maybe she was short and needed a grown-up booster seat and didn’t want to lug around a phone book. I was wrong though. She had a huge ass and had black pants on. It actually blended in with the stool. This makes me both immature and a bad person. And I laughed.

On the way to the train after work I saw a girl sprinting for the bus. The bus driver slowly drove away. Teasing her. But she just wasn’t fast enough. Her short little legs were pumping right along like a little flesh colored steam engine but she just couldn’t do it. And her shoulders sagged, and her face fell, and she had the look of a five year old that had just watched his ice cream fall to the ground. I’ve been there, both with the ice cream and the bus. And the more I use Stockholm’s public transportation the more I realize most everyone has been there. And still I laughed.

When I made it to the train I was letting them rip, and they were ripe. Maybe it was the buffet at lunch that just wasn’t sitting right. Or maybe my gut was punishing me for laughing at the misfortune of others. I don’t know. What I did know, though, was that my gut wasn’t going to control me. So I just let them fly, on the train, on the way out of the train, on the subway, no remorse. And they stunk. And I laughed.

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32 comments:

  1. What a naughty boy you have been! LOL

    And brave to confess. Probably everyone has the same joys in life, only few of them confess.

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  2. What? No, you're not immature. Everyone laughs at stuff like that. Besides, if you don't keep that little kid inside of you alive you'll turn into...like... Cal Bildt.. So keep that inner kid alive, min vän!

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  3. What are the birds called in Swedish? Stora pattar? hehe

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  4. The Great Tit = Parus Major in Latin and in Swedish it's "Talgoxe" :)

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  5. This is the kind of positive reinforcement I need so that I can continue to be immature! Good work both Smek This and Svek. On a sidenote as a small goofy looking child (I am slightly less goofy looking now) I had a cousin once tell me that I looked like Carl Bildt. It's not a moment I'm proud of.

    And to anonymous. Thank you. This is why I love the internet. I really wasn't sure I was ready to wade through everything that would turn up when I googled Swedish Great Tit.

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  6. I wouldn't worry, I've lived here for 9 years and I still smile when I pass a signpost saying 'Utfart'

    Back in the summer they showed Jamie Oliver's series 'Jamie's Chef' in Sweden which was translated as 'Jamie's Kok'. Every week some pretty TV announcer would come on to say that after the break we were going to see 'Jamie's Kok'.

    This kept me laughing the whole summer.

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  7. Please change the title of your posting to "Montastic has great tits"

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  8. @swenglishman, somethings just don't translate all that well, and the Jamies Kok is great. But it makes for some entertaining moments.

    @montastic, please don't boss me.

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  9. oh, you make me laugh again. But, seriously not surprised at what makes YOU laugh!!

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  10. This was perfect for cheering me up after a bad weekend :D. Great tits, haha. Hey, we're all immature sometimes. :)
    And I know a good place where 'Jamie's Kok' can be filmed next time, in Philippines at the 'Hard Kock Café'.

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  11. oh the beauty of great tits and ridiculous bathroom humor. brings out the inner child ine veryone.

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  12. Well, Swenglishman, I hate to ruin your little joke but it isn't "jamie's kok" it's "jamie's kök" and it isn't pronounced anything like "jamies cock". It is pronounced like this: "jamies shoek", so it's only funny if you know none or very little Swedish and if you read it... I can't imagine it would be so funny hearing "Jamies shoek" on TV from a TV announcer that it would keep you laughing the whole summer...

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  13. you're right on the pronunciation. but sometimes all it takes is to see the word, that's the beauty of immaturity.

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  14. you are so funny, i believe it is a "guy" thing, never stops being funny to guys!

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  15. Just keeping that inner little boy alive.

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  16. Immaturity? No at all!
    Seriousness may also hide a lack of culture and/or travels.
    By the way, do Swedish Tits use to take off promptly when approached?

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  17. from JW who is clearly a titophile:

    http://www.pbase.com/antjes/misc_birds_tits

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  18. I have the opposite problem: mine are not smelly but very loud (my being an Old Fart) so I can't lay the blame on anyone else.

    As for female-watching, it's all very nice except for sights of the much older women affecting the dress style of girls just out of their teeny-bopping stage. The dark side is the sight of any female (or male) with metal inserted into any part of her body, with the exception of her ears (why do men wear earrings? I don't know). But, as I said, I'm an Old Fart.
    ---
    I don't wear an earring
    Sorry

    Much to complicated
    Sorry

    Which ear to pierce, or both?
    An invisible stud?
    Two great hoops which drag?
    In lobe, or shell of ear?
    Sorry

    What signal do I send?
    And to whom to send it?
    Very sorry

    Flash of shining metal
    Must tell you who I am
    But then we must pretend
    It isn't even there

    I'm so very sorry.

    ================
    Kista Centrum, Sweden
    11/28/2001

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  19. thats the stuff nobel laureates are made of.

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  20. No, there is no bird in Sweden that in Sweden is called "The Great Tit" or some Swedish translation of that. Maybe it's called that in English, but then the joke is on you, isn't it?

    Similarly, we have words pronounced "fuck", "fart", "hore" etc., but again, that is funny in English, not in Swedish.

    Unless you have already discovered it, there are several English words that mean something obscene in Swedish. I can inform you that "pitt" as in "Brad Pitt" is slang for penis, and I could give you several other examples, but I think you get the picture.

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  21. well I know in Swedish its not called the Great Tit. It's Talgoxe. But translated it is the Great Tit. And the bird is here in Sweden.

    But yes, I do love some of the Swedish words. They make me laugh. I even wrote a post about them:
    http://welcometosweden.blogspot.com/2008/09/fun-with-swedish-language.html

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  22. Shame on you, letting them rip like that! Don't you know we have a fart limit in this country?

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  23. I have long since surpassed that limit.

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  24. I have to disagree a bit with anonymous#2 that this would be a guy thing. I am a girl (although not a very girly one I might add), and I think farts and laughing at people's misfortune and huge butts is extremely funny too. Especially the farts. Hilarious.

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  25. My mom seems to disagree. But after over twenty years of three boys, she's starting to come around. And by starting to come around, I mean not at all. Oh well...

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    Replies
    1. My mom is funny when she farts, because she stops for a second, kind of crouches down a little, or lifts one of her legs, lets one rip, and then she giggles! Love it.

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