Thursday, May 07, 2009

Thoughts While Running in Stockholm

I went for a run last night. I was quite proud of myself because I managed to stumble through 14 km. That’s damn near nine miles. Nine miles gives a person a chance to think. And think I did.

Like when I ran past the woman with misshapen legs who was using two crutches to get around. I felt bad. Like I was taunting her. Like by running by her I was pointing out the fact that she couldn’t run. Luckily I was running so I could get away. Plus she was on crutches, she couldn’t catch me.

Then, later in the run, I was reminded of my own misfortunes. That of being very, very slow. Because suddenly I was staring at the very large ass of a very large man in very large bright blue tights passing me. I was passed by a fatty. Running. It hurt my pride a bit. Mostly because I was only about four kilometers into the run. It also left me concerned that maybe the lady on crutches would have been able to catch me. Good think I was only thinking.

I put my head down and kept chugging away though. Still hoping for the ever elusive runner’s high. It never came. Finally, I made it home, at which point I immediately checked my nipples. They were not bleeding. I had avoided the dreaded runner’s nipple.

I had not, however, avoided the dreaded runner’s inner thigh chafage. I haven’t suffered from inner thigh chafage since high school playing football. To solve that problem, I wore sliding short. Basically tights in boxer form. They were amazing. Especially after not having washed them all season. I was free from inner thigh chafage.

Now I find myself in a foreign country with absolutely no sliding shorts and chafage on my inner thigh.

Welcome to Sweden. And running.

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  1. i 've never been to a strip club but i 've heard it can take care of any kinda chafage ,inner thigh or outer thigh inner head or outer head !
    not necessarily true,though!

  2. Baby powder/talcum (?) is your saviour in this scenario! Well done in the insanely long run too :)

  3. If you're missing the runner's high I feel much more sorry for you than the chafing. Maybe you didn't get it because you weren't freeing your spirit to it. Worrying about getting passed and stuff is a negative vibe man.

  4. BodyGlide-( Amazing stuff that works wonders wherever you rub. You can also use vasoline but it gets sort of slimy, especially if you sweat a lot, like I know you do. By the way, why nine miles all of a sudden? Are you training for something or did you just get the bug to run? At least you avoided nipple bleeding!

  5. Maybe bright blue tights was only going a couple miles. (Just trying to help you out here.) Slow & steady wins the race. I'm slow. Slow is totally where it's at.

    I don't know if I've ever experienced a runner's high. I sometimes get in this place where I don't feel the run. Like I'm almost outside of it. Or (my favorite) I just feel like I'm kicking ass. Not euphoric. Just really cool.

    You really should get some BodyGlide.

  6. Zinc oxide cream:) The one for diaper rash is the best. I've started doing cardio again and well, I have chafage:(

  7. Ah, sounds like you have experienced what we in the Swedish military call "infanteri-eld" ("infantry fire", I think it's got its name from that burning feeling that infantry soldiers feel in their inner thighs after marching long distances). Baby powder is your friend, as someone pointed out earlier.

  8. Hairy, "new skin" is also handy for the inner thighs.

    And I have never felt the runner's high DURING my runs (in fact miles 21-25 when I ran the AZ marathon was probably the worst hour of my life). But no matter how shitty I feel during the run I always feel great afterwards... Unless I run while hungover, then it just sucks all around.

  9. I heard vaseline on nipples helps! While running I mean :)

  10. You shouldn't feel bad that a "fat" person ran past you. Just because you're fat doesn't have to mean that you are unhealthy (although it usually does. In some cases fat people are just heavier, but otherwise are in better shape than skinnier people.

  11. What could posses a human being to run 14 km? One km usually does it for me and then I'm dead tired afterwards... So, don't feel like you're in bad shape...

  12. Thanks for all of the suggestions. Because I am lazy I took none of them to heart before running my half marathon. Instead, I rubbed chapstick on my nipples and inner thigh while sitting on the subway on my way to the race.

    @mike – Ive actually never been to a strip club. I think Ill keep it that way.

    @terander - the insanely long run got even longer today. 21 km.

    @m8 – maybe that was it. next time Ill just have to accept that I am slow as hell and get over myself.

    @Tara – theres that bodyglide again. The vasoline and sweatiness has been a concern. And I was training for the half marathon. I very seldom get the bug to just run.

    @E – Thanks. That’s what I like to hear. I think you must be right. Blue tights was just out for a quick run. He could give it his all. I Was saving y energy.

    @Néstor – That chafage is awful isn’t?

    @Snefald – that is the best description I have ever heard. It sounds likeit could be made into some sort of drink along the lines of the Prairie Fire. Tequila with Tabasco sauce. Maybe Infanteri-Eld can be Skåne with Tabasco.

    @John – Im just impressed that you ran that many miles at the tail end of a marathon in an hour. You are a better man than I.

    @places – But Im hairy. And sweaty. Seems like it would be a mess. While running obviously.

    @anonymous – I thnk that was the case with this guy. He was trucking along. I was impressed.

    @Robban – come on now. You’ve been reading this thing for a while now. I am an idiot.

  13. good idea,
    i was just joking

  14. I know, thats why I liked the comment.